I'm a Quitter and I Don't Want To!!

Here we go again... I've been here before... frowning in the mirror because all my hard work has slipped away and I've once again become that girl.... the fat one... the one who failed.... the one who broke.... the one who took the easy way out.... 

This girl:

Only this time I don't want to change... I don't want to try harder... I just don't care... I'm tired... it's too hard... I don't have time... and I already want to quit.  I know HOW to be healthy... I know HOW to lose weight... I know HOW to exercise..... but I don't want to.... it's been a day.... can I quit??  No.  I cannot.... and I'll show you why...

I'm a mother of 4... which is why I don't feel like I have time... someone always needs something... taking the  time to cook my own healthy meals (which my kids won't like) on top of what they eat... trying to fit in a workout with a 1 year old and 4 year old vying for your attention is difficult... try doing it after school with all 4 home and it's downright impossible... they would tear each other & my house apart.  Cooking, Cleaning, Laundry, Garden, and still trying to feel like I am still a person and not just a mom are all things that I'm so far behind on anyway that adding hell.... th to them seems like a insurmountable task...  BUT... I want to play with my grandkids one day... not just be the grandma sitting on the porch in the fat chair... I want to show my daughter that women can be strong... and that being skinny is not being beautiful, being healthy is, that being fat isn't a way of life, but a way of laziness.  I want my boys to have to work  to keep up with me... I want my kids to not become lazy couch potatoes because that's what they see mom doing.... so I'll do it for them.

This is my husband.... the father of my children... the love of my life... my best friend.  He works 3rd shift so I actually don't get to hang out with him too much... for the last 7 or so months he's had to work every day of the week... nonstop.... he's tired... I'm tired.... it's rough... he's offered to watch the kids while I work out... we have a full weight set and cage in the garage, but at the end of the day I just want to soak up every last second I can get with him... I want to spend that 45 minutes with my family... not with my tunes in the garage by myself... staying fit is important to him... he has a killer deadlift and squat.... he eats healthy and stays in good shape... I told him a long time ago that I could hang... and I've been slacking on that.... time to keep my word... after all a sexy guy like that needs arm candy not a sack of beans... :-)  So I'll do it for him.

I've always told people that if you're going to do something do it for yourself... well I can't right now.... I don't want to.... but I need to... So I'll do it for them until I'm ready to do it for myself.   I'll cry over my stove after I've been cooking for 2 hours... I'll inwardly gripe as I do that last body squat.... I'll be upset that I can't just open the cabinet and snack... and then I'll keep going... for them... and someday for me too....